Lost In Translation
by somewhereinthedreams
Summary: Johnny discovers that things aren't always what they seem. Set during/after Season 1.


**A/N: I found this blog on tumblr, otpdisaster, needless to say this prompt nearly killed me:** **Your OTP doing a harmless activity behind closed doors, (baking, arts+crafts, working out). Somehow the two manage to make it sound like hardcore sex to Person C who is standing right outside.**

 **I had fun writing this. Let me know what you think :)**

* * *

Charlie nudged Johnny off the stool, "Dinner's almost ready. Go upstairs and get everyone."

"Come on, Chuck. I'm almost - " Johnny groaned in protest when Charlie grabbed his phone and shut off his phone. "Why'd you have to do that? I just have a few more levels." Johnny nodded towards Jakes, "Jakes isn't doing anything."

"I'm setting the table," Jakes announced.

"Go get them or you're not eating," Charlie said.

"Fine," Johnny grumbled, annoyed that he had to be the one to fetch everyone for dinner. Why couldn't Charlie just send out a text message like a normal person? He ignored Jakes' triumphant smile and made his way upstairs. The sooner he told everyone dinner was ready, the sooner they could eat and then he could get back to playing Candy Crush. He _hated_ that Jakes was 25 levels above him.

Johnny poked his head in Briggs' room, "Dinner's almost ready."

Briggs held up his hand, signaling that he heard him before returning to his phone call. Johnny continued down the hall, stopping in Paige's room. The door was open, but she wasn't in there. His eyes drifted towards Mike door and he noted that it was closed. He continued walking down the hall and raised his hand to knock, stopping once he heard their voices.

 _"Mike, you're going too fast, slow down!"_

Too fast for what? Johnny placed his hand on the doorknob, but froze when he heard something that sounded like a slap. What the hell were those two doing?

" _Stop it, just let me handle this. Faster's better. Okay?"_

Johnny stepped closer to the door, trying to peer into the room through the frosted glass, but he couldn't see where Mike and Paige were or what they were doing. He could hear something that sounded like furniture moving or rubbing up against the wall. It wasn't the bed. He could see the bed.

 _Thud._

What the hell was that?

He should knock. He should really knock to make sure they were okay.

" _You're doing it wrong," Paige complained. "Move your hand over here."_

" _I think I know what I'm doing."_

" _Do you?" Paige asked, her voice filled with skepticism._

" _Just lift your - yeah, just like that."_

" _Why am I doing all the work? I'm starting to think you don't know how to work that thing."_

" _Would you just stop it? You're acting like I've never done this before," Mike said, frustration leaking into his voice. "God, Paige, you - "_

Johnny heard another thud, followed by a groan and some hushed whispers. He pressed his ear to the door to hear better.

" _Just like that," Paige praised. "You're doing so good."_

Holy shit. Those freaks.

"JT - "

"Shh," Johnny whispered to Briggs, frantically motioning to the door. Mike and Paige were doing some freaky shit behind the door and he couldn't wait to tease them about it. This would definitely shut Paige up about him striking out the last few times they went out. Because whatever kinky stuff she convinced Mike to try didn't seem to be his thing. At the rate they were going, she'd probably have more fun by herself.

" _Watch where you're putting it!"_

" _I got it," Mike said. "See, I told you I know what I'm doing."_

"Are they..." Briggs' voice trailed off, motioning his hand back and forth in front of the door.

" _Yes!" Paige excitedly said. "Just like that. Right there, Mike! No! No! Not there!"_

" _Just relax."_

" _Mike, just let me..."_

" _No! You promised I could stick it wherever I wanted."_

" _That's not where it goes!"_

Johnny's eyes widened and he pumped his fist in the air. Whatever was going on behind this door was way more entertaining than the night he had planned playing Candy Crush. Dinner could wait, he needed to hear the end of this. If civilians were allowed upstairs, he'd order a pizza and have it delivered right outside this door.

"Paige got a package in the mail yesterday, what do you think was in it?" Johnny quietly asked. He had signed for it, but couldn't remember where it was from. Maybe it was from some online sex toy store.

" _Paige, come on, you promised!"_

This was Mikey's idea? He'd always suspected that boy was a freak, but whatever was going on in Paige's room - he was clearly in over his head.

"Do you really think we should be listening?" Briggs said.

"LIstening to what?" Charlie asked.

Johnny looked over his shoulder, he hadn't even heard Charlie and Jakes come upstairs. It was better they heard this for themselves, no one would believe him. They would say he made it up.

Charlie wedged herself between him and Briggs. She smacked Johnny's arm and elbowed Briggs. "I sent you upstairs to get everyone, not stand outside Mike's door eavesdropping."

" _You burned me!" Mike yelped. "What the hell!"_

" _You're fine. Stop being a baby. I told you that you were going too fast."_

" _Paige, that hurts! Stop!"_

" _We're almost done. Just a little more. Not so fast. Yes, just like that."_

"Haven't those two heard of safe words?" Briggs asked.

"Think Mikey knows what a safe word is?" Johnny mused. What the hell did Paige burn Mike with? Candle wax? He was dying to know, but at the same time, he didn't want to know.

" _You got it all over me!" Paige shrieked. "It's in my hair."_

" _Now who's being a baby?" Mike asked. "Come on, it looks good."_

" _Freak."_

" _Maybe. Here, just let me - "_

" _No, don't touch me, you'll get it all over you. Wait, put down my phone! Don't you dare take a picture!"_

" _Come on, you look cute. I promise I won't show anyone. You burned me, just let me have this."_

"I did not need to hear _any_ of that," Jakes said, shaking his head.

Johnny was speechless as he tried to get certain images out of his head. Maybe Briggs was right, he shouldn't have been listening. There was no way he could ever look at Mike and Paige the same way ever again.

" _Let me see," Paige said. "Oh, hey, I do look pretty cute."_

" _Let's get you cleaned up."_

"We should probably get downstairs," Briggs suggested.

"Dinner's ready. They can join us - they know I made dinner," Charlie hastily added, pushing herself past Jakes to hurry downstairs with the rest of the agents trailing behind her.

* * *

"Dinner smells great," Paige said, squeezing in at the end of the bench next to Mike. "I love stir fry."

Mike handed her a plate and served her some rice and vegetables. He motioned to the chicken and she shook her head. "Egg roll?"

"Two," Paige said. Mike nodded, placing both on her plate before serving himself. "Thanks." Paige leaned over giving Mike a quick kiss on the cheek without thinking about it, bracing herself for the teasing that would surely follow. She and Mike had officially been together for almost a month, two if they went by the night they first slept together. But those first few weeks were spent trying to convince themselves it was a one-time thing, only it kept happening. Which led to them sneaking around for a few weeks before deciding that what they felt was more than physical. For the most part, it wasn't that big of a deal. She was determined not to become one of those couples that were joined at the hip. Just because they were dating didn't mean that they weren't separate people with separate interests. It just meant they spent more time together.

Like today.

Paige took a few bites of dinner, savoring the flavors. Charlie really was a great cook. It wasn't fair that she ended up cooking a majority of their dinners, but the only person that loved to cook as much as Charlie was Johnny, and no one trusted him in the kitchen unless he was making pancakes.

"Jakes, can you pass the soy sauce?" Mike asked.

Jakes shoved a forkful of food in his mouth, passing the bottle to Mike without looking over at him.

Mike drizzled a generous amount on his plate before offering the bottle to Paige, "Want some?"

"I'm good." She slowly looked around the table, trying to figure out why everyone was so quiet. Dinner was great, but it wasn't so good that they were shoving food in their faces at an alarming rate and couldn't make casual conversation.

Picking up on her tension, Mike kissed the top of her head and she relaxed. She smirked at him when she noticed a few pieces of stray glitter on the corner of his mouth. "You've got something..." her voice trailed off and she brushed the glitter off his face and held out her fingers for him to see.

"Seriously?"

"It's your fault, remember? I told you - "

"Is your food hot enough, Mikey?" Johnny asked, interrupting.

"Yeah, it's fine."

Johnny nodded, "Just checking. If you need to heat it up, don't leave it in the microwave too long, you might get burned."

"Johnny!" Charlie exclaimed, kicking him underneath the table.

"What?" Johnny asked, reaching for the platter. "I'm just checking. They weren't down here when we started eating."

"Don't remind me," mumbled Jakes.

"I don't want them to go _too fast_ or anything, thinking they need to catch up or something. There's plenty of food. They can both eat at their own pace."

Paige looked at Johnny strangely for a few seconds, not understanding what he was trying _not_ to say.

Briggs shook his head and reached past Mike for the teriyaki sauce.

Mike picked it up and handed it to Briggs. Paige couldn't help but notice that Briggs diverted his gaze from Mike, quickly saying thanks but he kept his eyes locked on the bottle instead of looking at Mike. As a matter of fact, no one was making eye contact with her or Mike. WIth the exception of Johnny, no one was talking to them either, unless they were responding to a question.

Paige slammed her fork on the table, getting everyone's attention. "Okay, what the hell is going on?"

"Nothing," everyone answered in unison.

"Nothing?" Paige asked. "Is there something on my face? Why won't anyone make eye contact?"

Jakes picked up his plate, "Dinner was great, Charlie. I'm going to - "

"Sit!" Paige ordered. No one was leaving this table until she had some answers.

The second Jakes realized she was dead serious, he sat back down.

Mike squeezed her knee underneath the table as a show of support, but otherwise kept silent.

"A better question is did you _do_ anything that would get anything on your face," Johnny muttered underneath his breath.

"Johnny," Briggs groaned.

"What? _She_ asked."

Paige snapped her fingers, "That's right, I asked, so look at me when you're answering. What the hell are you talking about? What's with all the veiled comments?"

"Right, you see, Charlie asked me - and I tried to continue playing Candy Crush, but she said I couldn't eat unless I told everyone dinner was ready," Johnny rambled, unable to make eye contact with either of them.

"Only you didn't," Mike said.

Charlie picked up her beer and took a long drink, but kept silent.

Johnny looked to Briggs for help and the other agent shook his head, "JT, my man, you're on your own."

"Hey!" Johnny exclaimed. "You're the one that thought Mike needed a safe word!"

"Why would Mike need a safe word? We were just - "

"Maybe if I had a safe word, you wouldn't have burned me!" Mike said, holding up his hand and pointing to the red welt that was forming on the back of his hand.

"Maybe if you would've listened to me, you wouldn't have gotten burned," Paige replied, cutting him off. Mike had been so insistent that he knew what he was doing, but he hadn't even held a hot glue gun until today. He had some macho idea stuck in his head that just because he was the best marksman in the house, it somehow made him a master at using a hot glue gun.

"Are we done here?" Jakes said. "I really don't want to know how Mike got burned by one of your freaky sex toys."

"Freaky sex toy?" Paige asked. Confused, she turned to look at Mike. She wasn't opposed to idea of introducing some toys to the bedroom if that was what he wanted, but this was the first she heard about it. Why was this the first time she was hearing of this? And why was he talking to Jakes about this and not her?

"Don't look at me," Mike said, holding up his hands in mock surrender.

"If you two want to get freaky before dinner, that's your business," Briggs said. "Just maybe get a hotel room next time you're _experimenting._ "

"We were not getting freaky before dinner!" Mike insisted. "I was helping Paige - "

"You were helping, Paige, alright," Charlie mused. "So much that you couldn't contain yourself and _spilled_ all over her?"

"Glitter!" Paige exclaimed.

"Jesus," Mike muttered, clearly mortified as he covered his face with his hand.

"Mike was helping me test out designs to decorate picture frames for my cousin's bridal shower!" Her cousin's bridal shower was in a few weeks and her aunt asked her to figure out a fun craft they could all do.

"She burned me with a hot glue gun," Mike explained as the rest of the group started laughing.

"I told you that you were going too fast!"

"What about that picture you took of her?" Charlie asked.

"You thought we were having sex and all of you stood outside the door to listen," Mike began.

"How long were you guys listening?" Paige asked, trying to keep her voice casual. So maybe she and Mike hadn't been playing with _freaky sex toys_ , but they had been fooling around before they started decorating frames. But that was hours ago. There was no way that Johnny stood outside Mike's door eavesdropping that long.

Four sets of guilty eyes looked downward, refusing to make eye contact _again._ Paige suspiciously eyed her roommates before turning to Mike and he shrugged.

"Anyone want to go out for drinks? Johnny's buying," Briggs offered.

"That sounds like a great idea," Jakes said, getting up from the table. "Count me in."

"Why do I have to buy?" Johnny asked.

"Do you really have to ask?" Charlie asked. "When's the last time you got laid? You can't tell the difference between arts and crafts and sex?"

THE END


End file.
